Finnegan Bell’s View of Relationships

By Bruce Firestone | Uncategorized

Dec 31

(This is an excerpt from Quantum
Entity Trilogy Book 2, American Spring. Please note it contains mature
content. Readers must be 18 years of age or older.)

Magellan come here.”
“No! I’ve a design project I’m working on. It’s due Friday.”
“Tough. Come here.”
When Magellan goes into their common room, he sees both Finn and Sean stripped
to the waist with deadly short Wakizashi swords in their hands. They’re
sweating heavily. They’ve bought a new Sinofighter unit and they are
coordinating their attacks against the device but need a third hand to try to
overcome the fighter.
Magellan picks up a sword—he can’t very well leave his two brothers to die at
the hands of this Imperial Chinese game player—and they attack ensemble and
finally hack it to pieces. The Sinofighter reconstitutes itself and bows then
politely asks, “Would you like to play Level 3?”
The boys say ‘No’ and Finn gets them all a beer. They drink Olympia
‘Fix’ beer (from Greece)
not because it is especially good brew but because of its name. Everyone at
Bezerkeley loves to order another ‘Fix’.
“What do you think of their hack?”
“What hack?” Magellan asks.
Finn looks at his bro like he lives under a rock, ignores his last comment and
glances over at Sean.
“It’s pretty cool.”
“Have you tried it?”
“No but a friend of mine did. With his boyfriend.”
“I’d like to try it with a girl I met five seconds ago. Like on Chat Roulette
or something.”
“Wouldn’t suit me,” Sean says.
“Me neither,” adds Magellan.
“You guys are no fun. Look, you meet someone on the Internet, a minute later,
she’s in your room humping you and you’re in her room f__king her. You feel
EVERYTHING. You can’t get any diseases and no commitment—you don’t even have to
know her name.”
“What’s the point?” Magellan asks.
Finn just rolls his eyes. “Why does there have to be any point. How about it if
it feels good, do it?” Then he adds rhetorically, “Hey guys, do you want to
know my view of male-female relationships?”
“No,” both Magellan and Sean say simultaneously.
Finn presses on regardless and oblivious, “See, women aren’t really
human—they’re these eggs surrounded by 135 lbs of female flesh. The eggs
control everything—get your hair done, color it, go for a manicure and, while
you are at it, get a pedicure. Then go shopping for clothes, the skimpier, the
better. Then the eggs take their flesh out for a walk. They have a plan! To
interview sperm donors! The eggs use eyes which are conveniently located on a
vertical axis that swivels—it’s called a neck—so they can scan the horizon for
healthy sperm. When they see likely candidates, they cause the body to strike
provocative poses—shy, sexy, aggressive, pouty, sultry, legs together, legs
crossed, legs apart and hands on hips, hands playing with hair, find a reason
to bend over ass extended, adjust bra, tilt head one way, then the other, keep
one leg straight with the other slightly bent, adjust skirt, smooth skirt, if
they’ve got a dance background, put one foot next to the other at a 90 degree
angle and—”
“Enough, bro, we get it,” Magellan says exasperated by Finn’s endless
“What’s your view of men then, Finn?” Sean asks.
“For Chissakes, don’t encourage him!” Magellan exclaims.
“Glad, you asked! Men aren’t human either! They are sperm surrounded by 195 lbs
of flesh. They fight other 195 lb creatures for resources so that they can be
especially attractive to eggs. They can not only fertilize eggs but take care
of the result too. They get hot cars so that can take eggs for a drive and then
date them—” (‘Date’ is a Finn euphemism for ‘f__k’.)
“But Sinofighter sex can’t result in fertilized eggs so your whole paradigm
breaks down, Finnegan,” Sean says with a smile.
“Exactly, sperm are fooling eggs. There is the promise of fertilization and
resources without having to actually make good.”
“That’s another reason why I despise those things,” Magellan says seriously.
“You are breaking trust with another human being—someone who is giving herself
to you in a way that is very special, it’s like two souls communing…”
Finn just looks at his brother and shrugs, “You are such a loser in the Sperm
But Sean is interested. “You said ‘another reason’, Magellan. There are more?”
But now Magellan doesn’t want to say. He’s afraid his brother will laugh at him
some more.
“Well, at least one more,” he says after a few moments.
“Which is?”
He says quite defensively, “I really like the way women smell and you can’t
experience that with Sinofighter sex.”
Finn does laugh but Sean is looking at him with a surprised expression—it’s one
of recognition. While he is playing Paddle Tennis with Naya, he notices her
smell as she crosses paths with him on the court—it’s a wonderful smell, a
combination of Naya’s natural odors with some type of mystery perfume. Sean is
not an expert in women’s perfumes but if he was, he would know it is Nell
Perfume, the kind with Ambergris in it. It’s a love potion.


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About the Author

Bruce is an entrepreneur/real estate broker/developer/coach/urban guru/keynote speaker/Sens founder/novelist/columnist/peerless husband/dad.